Be still, and know that I am God.... Psalm 46:10
Advent Activity: December 10
Make a donation to the needy.
Advent Activity: December 10
Make a donation to the needy.
Grief, Guilt, & Gratitude
It's cold enough to snow, but the sky refuses to send us the light little filigree fragments of winter wonder. Instead, we get soppy wet sleet and chilled-to-the-bone feet, frozen noses and toes.
But how efficiently the weather reflects the subtle melancholy just below the surface of my heart. I wait for the blessings to follow the trials, just as I wait for the mercury to drop just a bit more. It must be achingly cold for snowflakes to fall.
At dinner tonight, we finally told the kids how Christmas will be, and how it will not be. God is a merciful God, I know this. There were no tears, no protests. On the contrary, Eve expressed a rare sense of gratitude: "I'm glad we're making the change. I want our Christmas to be about what Christmas is really about." And the other children agreed.
So God saved me grief and guilt that this year's celebration will not go according to original plan. I'm shocked the family is still expectant, genuinely looking forward to the excitement that will come with a simple, humble, authentic purpose: to celebrate Jesus's birthday.
Another Answered Prayer: Mr. Plainview in the Pew
How long has it been since I attended a Christmas Eve service at a church? I can't remember the last time I did. Maybe when I was a child. And yet, this year, God's paved the way for us to go together (minus James and Mr. Plainview, of course). I have no Christmas wish list for myself, but if I did, going to a Christmas Eve service with my family would be a dream come true.
We may not all be able to attend a Christmas Eve service together, but God's answered a great prayer: attending a regular church service with Mr. Plainview.
Yes, historically, we have been that family: the family in which Mother always takes the children to church while Father always stays at home. I've prayed for years that Mr. Plainview would find the inspiration to go with us. In all those years, he never, ever has.
Last night, I looked up the girls' friend's church. I didn't have high hopes Mr. Plainview would be interested in attending. He's always expressed he'd rather be nibbled to death by ducks than visit a new church.
But he surprised me. He was indeed interested, and at this hour, the plan is for the whole family to attend church together this coming Sunday morning. Nothing short of miraculous. Amen.
(On a slightly superficial note, the girls have nothing very Christmasey or at all formal to wear to a Christmas Eve service. We haven't needed "formal" attire for years and years. This means I'll have to come up with something quickly, which means I'm looking at an all-night sewing session some time in the near future. Another blessing in disguise, as I do so love to sew, and the girls always look so pretty in their homemade outfits.)
It's Time
Tonight, I began working on a homeschooling writing handbook which will become a complete curriculum in its finished form. I made marked progress. The structure of it all is coming together quite nicely in my head, and the outline is for the most part on paper.
After the speaking engagement last week, I haven't been able to shake the notion I really need to put my method into a single source that can be shared and archived. Writing nonfiction seems so much more surmountable than fiction could ever be. And in writing something that will aid other parents just like me, I don't face the same terrible despair and warring brand of inspiration that comes to my spirit when I'm trying to write fiction.
I don't feel weak in writing this particular book. As a matter of fact, I feel empowered with purpose, as if I'm answering a need God put in my heart a long time ago. It seems clear to me the time for this project is now.
Yet another confirmation: In the grand scheme of things, God is slowing me down and shaving off various aspects of my life in order to still my spirit to focus on the next step He has for me to take.
The Lost Loved One: Praying Till the Day I Die
I can hardly absorb into my brain how He continues to answer my prayers every single day.
I remember a story of an elderly woman who prayed for her lost son every day of her life. She prayed and prayed, year after year, that God would bring her son into the palm of His hand.
And year after year, her prayers seemed to go unanswered as her child continued along, stubborn, unheeding, and ever lost.
But she never stopped praying. She never stopped believing in God's power and love.
Then one day, toward the very end of her life, she saw her son on his knees, giving his life to Christ. And then she died.
Not a unique story. It happens every day, all over the world, and not just to elderly ladies, but to praying wives and praying mothers of every age, from every walk of life. Lost children, lost husbands, lost parents, lost friends.
So often, I've looked on my Christian friends with their Christian husbands and their godly marriages, and I've envied till I thought I'd die from covetousness. Families reading scripture together, going to church together, praying together, worshiping God together...wearing their faith on their collective sleeves.
There is no ache like it: knowing Christ yourself, but living with the burden your husband does not know Him, not being able to share the paramount blessing there is to be had in this life on earth!
I recall now, so many nights on my knees, in tears, begging God to reveal Himself to Mr. Plainview, wondering if the man's heart was so hard he might never, ever see.
God Himself told me my entire family belongs to Him, and I believe it. To this day, I believe it. My siblings and Mr. Plainview are still proud, still struggling, still don't comprehend the Truth. They are still lost, but I continue to pray and continue to believe the day will come when God will make His claim. I believe this, because He told me it's so.
I may be the same as the elderly woman and her lost son. I may go to the cusp of my grave praying and praying for my family, but I'll believe to the very end.
Yet, I can't anticipate God. I may not have to wait until the very end. Mr. Plainview agreed it will be a good thing for the whole family to go to church together on Sunday. Perhaps I expected he wouldn't agree to that until we were at the cusp of our graves?
God is full of surprises.
6 comments:
Little Eve's comment about being glad your family is making a Christmas change, sounded somewhat like our youngest daughters request two nights. "Do you think we could not open our presents on Christmas morning and just sit together for awhile and pray? It's hard for me to keep my mind on Jesus when we open presents right at first." Ah - maybe The Engineer and I should relinquish our positions as spiritual leaders and teachers!
How deeply delightful to hear your husband's plans to attend church - as a family - this Sunday. Oh, I'm not likely from where you're from (because SoCal doesn't get sloppy wet sleet), but I wouldn't concern myself with the "right clothes" for Christmas Eve service. Seems like another 'man-made' tradition to me, and you're so busy casting those off right now, that adding one more to the heap should be no biggie!!!
Melody,
I so appreciate your openness and honesty about your family. And so, on the heels of my comment on your last post about home church, I must tell you that we are also one of "those families". We do worship in our home, but unfortunately, it's only me and my children...my hubby usually is working on a project around the house and conveniently stays busy.
I, too, am envious of my friends and other bloggers who have Godly husbands. I want so badly for my husband to be the spiritual leader of our home! He calls himself Christian, and only the Lord knows his heart, but his "fruit" doesn't back this up.
Like you, I will continue to pray for him until the day I die. Although I also pray that I get to see a heart change in him before that day!
Thank you so much for sharing!
Blessings!
Brandi
Unbelieving husbands & children are deemed *holy* because of us [my oldest boy is truly prodigal] & while they remain under your roof they share in the covenant blessings. In one of our *conversaions* [:)] the Lord impressed on me that all my blessings will come to Him [thank you Lord!] but it is hard waiting for that day to arrive knowing that their life would be so much beter if they repented now.
Although my Dearest rarely attends church due to health issues if I was speaking the whole family made a point of turning out for prayer & support. I figure ha in the end these rials are for our greater blessing & His greaer glory. May you be greatly blessed.
Sorry. My computer keeps dropping out the *ts*. Please add them in when reading as I don't always catch them before posting
Hi sweet Melody! Loved reading about what is on your heart today!
Loved that your kids' reactions were better than expected is so great! Yay for that! WE haven't taken that step quite yet, but one day I hope to make Christmas our own more than it is now.... does that make sense? I am so disappointed at how much hoopla is put on presents and Santa. And not on the celebration of Jesus' birth.
I fear my own children are so mesmerized with this. I have been so spurred on to start making some changes this next coming year. And have started some little changes this year.
It's kind of fun not having as much to spend this season, tho..lol!! It's a great excuse to simplify!
Thanks for being so transparent about your honey and his not knowing Jesus yet. Reading this made feel so sad that there are many women who feel ashamed about this. It shouldn't be this way. We need each other and shame on those who think less of or point fingers for that. I was so honored to read this and will be praying for him as well... and for the Sunday he will be going to service with you.
Hugs.. Amy
i love the title.. :-) plainview in the pew~
and god is full of surprises, isn't he?!
hoping for you and your family, melody.. thank you for sharing and for holding on to his garment, and his promises.. me too!
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